To Those Who Go Above and Beyond

You tell yourself to stop caring this time. You swear to yourself as you hold back your tears that you’ll never let someone in so easily ever again. You put up your walls, you play the game everyone is playing where you invest only a little bit, caring but pretending you don’t. Seeing their text message but not replying, making them wonder how you feel. Maybe this way you won’t get hurt again.

But knowing yourself, you don’t seem to change.

You still jump into every relationship with both feet, head first even. You choose to see the good in people who can’t see it in themselves. And you take it upon yourself to love them in their brokenness, in hopes that they’ll learn to love themselves too.

You rarely give up opportunities to show the deep care and compassion you have in you, because it is in your nature to do so. Most importantly, you don’t second guess them. The thought of them potentially breaking your trust would somehow never cross your mind.

But when it happens, you’re left in shock. You’re confused because, yet again, the care you give out so willingly to other people is not reciprocated. You question if you’re doing enough, or if you’re caring for them in the exact ways they want to be cared for. You blame yourself, and you let yourself feel guilty. Is that justice?

Pain. Disappointment. Heartbreak. All these things that you wear so comfortably. Despite that, you still believe in love and good relationships.

You hold your breath and jump right into friendships, investing your whole heart into people that maybe didn’t deserve it. You choose to look at them a little closer because you see something in them that others don’t. You do it anyway even if it’s at the expense of hurting yourself. Because maybe, just maybe you can give them something to believe in too. You remain hopeful.

Then you think to yourself, maybe it’s people like you who attract people that push you over, that suck the life out of you. Toxic people. The one’s who see the good things others bring to the table and take not only what they can offer, but also the light that burned so brightly inside of them. These are the exact people who make you doubt your ability to love, the ones who make you feel inadequate to love them when all along, loving them was all that you were doing.

This is where you get caught – between what you want, and what you deserve.

You struggle with the thought of walking away from people, because it is people like you who care too much to walk away. You don’t give up on people.

With the same amount of courage you use to dive fully into relationships, use it to learn to let go when loving them is taking away the love you have for yourself. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. When you’re becoming impatient, critical, emotionally affected, exhibit more sadness than joy when thinking about them, you’re out of line and over-caring.

I think our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive – the risk to be alive and express who we really are. But take courage. Someone has to believe in love and be the example other people can follow. Because if you change then know that they’ve won. Every person who’ve hurt you and made you question everything. Don’t let one experience influence what you believe is right. Remember that growth comes from living through the complete opposite.

Believe in taking chances. Continue doing what you’re good at because in the end you know that it’ll all be worth it. Godspeed.